Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
