His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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