but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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