where am i from again
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
