I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
