Need sex. Gaining weight.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
