she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
