I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
