I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
soo... how was my night?
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