the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
