I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
