I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
