Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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