My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
