I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
