i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
