He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hippo gnu deer
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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