are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
