I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize