I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize