she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
