Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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