the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
