your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
