I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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