How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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