My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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