How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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