Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
