imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
