i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I party with great urgency now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
