a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
