in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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