Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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