Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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