Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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