Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
