I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
