I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
