Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
