Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
