i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm getting married
To pizza
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
