i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My vagina is officially offended.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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