Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
