small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
MIDGETS
????
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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