bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
