So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
