Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
