I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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