you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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