Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
