I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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