Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
