haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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