The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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