winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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