you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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