Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you traded sex for a burrito?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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