I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
