At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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