I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
