I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
