help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
