so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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