i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
