I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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