im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
