I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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