There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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