In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
