She is in my trunk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
