YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
