i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
