Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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