why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
