No, drunk sperm still make babies.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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