last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
soo... how was my night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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