Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
