At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i believe in u and ur pee
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
