I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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