Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
