My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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