Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
