the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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