The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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