My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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