I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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