whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Enjoy the penises
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
