that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
