zippers are such a cool invention
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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