Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
