Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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