i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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