you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize