I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
