My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
