i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
