U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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