I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
