I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
