watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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