God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
