dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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