I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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