the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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