Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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